May 15, 2007 12:48 AM

Dear dear Marian,


Wisdom is to find love in all creatures. You have the capacity of beeing this kind of person who loves what have been created.
But Marian, loving is to accept the liberty of what we love. I know you are aware of that. But it is important to say it again now. My first love, when I was 15, didn t love me back. He told me " Pauline you are a smart, mature and charming girl but I can't force myself to love you. " I spent years loving him whatever. And told myself that if I loved him really, as he was, I had to accept the fact that his "refus" was a part of him. I had to love him with this refus to love me back. It teached me a lot and when I think it back, well...i realise that I learned maybe more loving him without an answer than he learned refusing me....

Because behind the flesh, we never love in emptyness. Notre amour est toujours rendu au centuple. What we give, thinking we give it in vain, is never given in vain. It makes us bigger and closer to what is sacred and divine.

It teached me to accept this liberty of every creature. like when your cat go by the window, and never comes back.

If you can love like that, I think your heart becomes as huge as the world ittself.

when Christophe leaved to confront hisself to life.I was devastated. Yes, Marian, I know it is not the same thing, Christophe and I staid together. But I learned that behind the couple, there is something stronger.

One day i was walking in the country, near to the tree that is on my page. I was ruined and dark, so dark. And suddenly I realized, watching the nature growing, how much I had. I felt rich. Not because of a couple. Because of my capacity to love.
This capacity is one of the most important quality you have, Marian.

You can love for the beauty of loving. What you accepted with christophe. Your total absence of egoism. it is rare and pure.

Don't ever let a story erase this capacity.

I would like, Marian, to see you,....
I f you want to come. I have work, but you could stay near and I will make you tea.

You are more than a friend. And I want you to smile. I don't want all these tears on your pure face....

You are so rare.

Love,
pauline

And from Christophe who is not here but I am sure that he think of you in these moments.